#ive beat you up once
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Is it even a good insult if you have to use an emoji
UNhappy birthday. You should BLOW UP!!! I'm on my way to your location SOON!!!
Oh yeah? Well...
Read between the lines. 🤚
#ive beat you up once#about to do it again i swear...#// mod tags#alnst mizi#ask mizi#mizi talks#ask blog
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holy shit i just got a "jesus saves" lecture from the lab nurse. took me by surprise because i've seen her many times before and she was always very nice and only asked a few respectful questions about the whole trans situation. like geez maam i thought we were cool!!
#she ambushed me asking about my family and idk why i didnt think of lying as an option#so i said i didnt really have much contact with my family anymore#and she kept pushing for more info and then “strongly advised me to read the bible and put my faith in jesus christ like herself”#and i was like maam i was raised catholic i can tell you i have read the bible.#and she IGNORED ALL CUES on PURPOSE (??) and kept telling me about how we were made just and holy by jesus dying for us#like where are we??? what's going on????#she usually is careful but fast because it's her job but like she forcefully kept me here with a needle in my arm & physically holding me#long after the blood sampler had been drawn (highly unusual!!!!) to force me to stay here and attend her jesus saves! lecture#at some point i feared she wouldnt let me go at all until i said i would go back to church lol#what is this????????#also i am pretty sure the receptionists were gossiping nastily about me in the waiting room. i may be paranoid#but they were shooting nasty glances in my direction (i was the only patient in the waiting room) and they were whispering between#themselves the whole time and one of them (who'd already been nasty to me re: trans stuff but not outwardly) glared at me#i think i caught something that sounded like “no it *is* weird and were it up to me...” while they looked at me#like once again i may be paranoid and let my inner bullied student speak but.... the combination was. weird#ive never had a problem here before! you'll tell me this is not an actual problem like nobody beat me up or anything and i'll agree ofc#but. still
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ok soooo im like 5 episodes into dear brother and i need you guys to know how much i love rei so far if only for her staggering around like a rain-soaked stray dog just haggard and unseeing all the time. like we know very little about her thus far except that every scene she's in she steals the show by flopping and wilting all over the frame
#just like me fr perhaps#dear brother#oniisama e#idk what it is but shes so intriguing. mysterious shit-untogether lady#also i love everyone's beef so far like im completely hooked on the drama as camp as it usually is#like went OHH SHIT the second i found out the big three were on bad terms like ouhhh theyre fightinggg#and minako is profoundly real. the video essay that convinced me to watch this mentioned her encapsulation of quote#'every bpd feeling ive ever had' and as an outsider that seems right#school full of girls to study under a magnifying glass like bugs. girlbugs#this is an era of shojo im not very familiar with (ok ig all eras are like that but my knowledge of 70s shojo is like.#ok rose of vsailles over here and that tennis thing's over there and uh. yeah thats it)#and yeah ik the anime's from the 90s but it appears. to me. pretty married to more 70s aesthetics at least#ANYWAY kaoru ily we need a butch failgirl to shout these girls into line and shes balling too btw no way#and minako ily you're extremely real and a scene stealer and i need you to beat more girls up#nanoko im leering over your shoulder like a little shoulder devil bc i want you to be worse and im suspecting you're getting there#oh i forgot to say this part but i keep comparing it to utena#no one ive seen brings up db in their utena analyses as an influence so i have to wonder if 1) this is just more obscure#(if only for the western video essayists im watching) or 2) they share other common ancestry im not familiar with#once again i gotta watch rose of vrsailles for brserk reasons but also now bc of this#she's important she's influential etc etc#anyway yeah excited to get back to the mentally ill girl variety hour ✌️✌️#asuka rei#<- I FORGOT TO TAG IT WITH HER 😫😫😫
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i finally beat [redacted] in hades (the first one) it took me forever to finally beat it oml
and with the shield of all things. i think the shield is underrated imo that things slaps
#hades spoilers#i finally did it#also i play on switch#i got hades II on my computer when it came out but ive only played it once#bro the controls are so different its gonna take me forever to get used to it#also i learned you can fight charon which is really funny to me#he just beats you up with his oar and i love him very much#also Persephone is so cute??#shes not how i hc persephone to look but shes still cute#hades#hades game#hades ii#hades supergiant#hades the game#switch#nintedo switch#hades game spoilers#hades game persephone#hades game charon#og lonelypost
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honestly who cares if i reached 15k and im not done yet WHO cares . it might very well be 20k by the end . and i will have to edit all of that. which ill do. WITH PLEASURE. <- famous last words
#i cant stop yapping... ive had the finale sequence in my brain for soooo long. so many action beats.#once im done writing-writing ill ahve to give it a bit of rest. reset my brain a bit. and then get to editing.#i might chop some shit up. we'll see.#i kinda wish i had an editor for this but at the same time this is such a weirdly specific personal project that like.#i dont want a neutral pair of eyes on it. this is MY bullshit. FOR ME#you KNOW??????? sorry for posting a lot im just very hyped ehe
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oxley bom pod was talking about the friendly atmosphere in the paddock today and they brought up vale as someone who would make himself hate his opponents in order to beat them. they mentioned biaggi before saying vale didn’t need to make up a reason there lol, and the gibernau, stoner, lorenzo, marquez. thought it was interesting to hear them say that especially since oxley specifically had a particularly close working relationship with vale!
got around to listening to the podcast rather belatedly + had a chat about this general topic that helped me organise my thoughts on this a bit. I transcribed the most relevant comments - probably some small errors because of cross-talk and like... I'm a fast transcriptionist but can't be bothered to properly do it, here:
O: One is because racing is so fucking complicated now. [...] They've got so much to do, so much pressure - to have the negative energy of anger and hatred is actually - B: It's a waste. O: It's a bad thing, you're just wasting your energy. I mean it depends on the character, okay - B: So maybe Vale was the last who really needed to hate somebody to give him - and now even Vale invites Casey to his ranch to ride with him. But he really needed to - It was not difficult for him to hate, but he - Some riders he really looked for a reason to hate them even more, because then he could dig deeper in himself - because he was just a happy chap - in order to beat them. O: Max Biaggi. B: But it was easy to hate Max! That was not very difficult. Sete Gibernau, basically he needed to try - O: Casey Stoner. Sete Gibernau. Marc Marquez. B: He hated Vale probably before Vale hated Casey! But that's another podcast. O: Yeah, I think so. No, definitely, definitely, definitely. [...] Some people - they get fired up by hating other people, and that's fair enough.
so yeah. I mean, qualified agreement, I guess? they're definitely right about casey hating valentino before valentino hated casey lol. if valentino ever really hated casey at all. which is not necessarily a mainstream take, so it's nice to hear it!
I also agree with this general take about... y'know, the creeping professionalisation of the sport and how that affects how likely you're going to get fun drama. goes beyond just hours spent looking at data and also about... having a bit of a life, having time to actually form a personality. and as I've said before, it's the fans! clickbait news + social media featuring partisan fans, who aren't just going to read every statement but also react to every statement like it's life or death shit. pecco and jorge have gotten push back for some incredibly, deeply, ridiculously mild comments these last couple years. they HAVE to phrase everything they say as inoffensively as possible while still getting their points across, and even then they'll generally be jumped. like, forget valentino, how do you think casey would have fared in this current media environment? up against a fanbase as partisan as valentino's - or marc's nowadays? not well is the answer! I think to some extent you can get away with this stuff more depending on people's perceptions of you, so marc and increasingly pedro will generally be fine... but on the flip side, the pecco's, the casey's, the jorge x2's of this world... everything they say gets read in the worst possible light, but now everyone's just so much louder about it
but this ask was more about valentino than the current landscape, so I'll get back to him. I do think it is a bit of an issue if you frame it as a completely either-or issue - at the end of the day, most competitors will probably motivate themselves through their enemies at least a little. pecco definitely uses negative emotions to fire him up, people criticising him and the like. casey absolutely used them, often directed at valentino. all the comments from the haters to fire them up right, to show everyone how wrong they are. on a psychological level, there is not something *fundamentally* different between using your rivals or the fans or the press to motivate yourself - it's still the same underlying motivational process (and indeed the podcast references lawson's distaste for the press). casey signs off his first every grand prix win by saying how nice it was to beat a spanish rider sponsored by the circuit, like are we calling that pure love for the game? he and mostly martin and to a somewhat lesser degree pecco do share a tendency to... believe the world is out to get them, and use that to fire themselves up. idk if casey strictly needed to do that or if it was just ingrained at a young age and became a stable self-perpetuating way in which he viewed the world but also, it doesn't really matter, right. maybe in both valentino and casey there is a pure unpolluted soul who could have enjoyed winning just for the sake of winning, but in practise it's clearly more complicated than that. as has been recently discussed in quite some depth in this parish, late 2007!casey was getting sympathetic interview write-ups that described his mentality as informed by 'bitterness and rejection'. including bitterness at valentino, who at that point in time was not meaningfully reciprocating any of that stuff!
so I do have a bit of a bone to pick with this idea of 'the last guy'. valentino didn't 100% motivate himself by hating his enemies, the blokes after him didn't do so 0%. I think of the aliens casey is probably the most similar to him by this metric... some are definitely less inclined to do so. lorenzo's a bit of an odd case where at times it felt like he was better at making other guys hate him than necessarily hating them himself... complicated guy but I think he actually really did want to mostly fuel himself in a positive manner, except then for various reasons both external and internal he needed to also draw a bit more from. the darkness. marc is more likely than either valentino or casey to just fight to win for the sake of winning... then again you do have cute little incidents like misano 2019 where marc - off the back of two back-to-back last lap defeats - miraculously happened to find an extra bit of motivation through a spat in qualifying after duly harrying the yamaha's all weekend. again, it's a question of degree, right. marc is just inherently less restless than valentino and less inclined to think the world is out to get him than casey, which are all contributing factors
with valentino, I think I disagree a teensy bit in terms of framing more than I do in substance. first off, not to be a broken record on this, but obviously all of these feuds were very different, involving very different emotional landscapes. I don't think it's correct to say valentino needed an enemy to fire himself up, but he did always need something. some mission to dig his teeth into, some way of making the whole thing exciting. of making it fun! I'm not all that convinced of this happy-go-lucky characterisation of valentino - a lot of the time he had to go to an awful lot of effort to keep himself entertained, and when that didn't work he could get pretty miserable. he needed to keep himself stimulated, he needed to stop himself from feeling lonely, he needed to give himself a purpose to work towards. hatred did help him in a motivational sense, and he's talked in his autobiography about how anger has made him ride faster. it's useful... up to a point. it's just not a uniform thing across rivalries
my sense is that it comes down to two things. 1) he needs something to motivate himself and get excited, be it a rival or whatever. and 2) he needs some distance from his rivals. motivating yourself through a rival is not quite the same thing as motivating yourself through an enemy. for instance!! casey was only really his enemy once they were no longer on-track rivals - it was unrelated to actual competitive calculus, and was in some ways more about casey than it was about valentino. when valentino did that shit to casey at laguna 2008, he's not like... mad at casey. he doesn't hate him. he's gleeful at least in part because of how obviously pissed casey is, but he doesn't hate him. because he doesn't need to hate casey to want to beat him! casey is already so considerable a challenge that beating him is reward enough in itself - he's this super tricky puzzle for valentino to work away at... and when he comes up with the answer at laguna 2008, he's delighted. he doesn't really hate jorge in 2009 either - dislike, yes, hate, no. he's already plenty stimulated by the challenge of beating his feisty young teammate... he doesn't need anything else. he gets through 95% of the 2015 season with barely any animosity with his title rival - there, he would have seen it as distracting from his primary mission of winning his tenth in a way that was entirely disconnected from any particular rival. he also runs into the problem that it feels like any psychological warfare feels like it's getting aimed more at marc than jorge - but that's entirely accidental, he isn't TRYING to fuck with marc in the middle of the season. why would he!! and jorge refuses to be fucked with on the track because he's just never in the same postcode as valentino, and valentino isn't attempting to fuck with him off the track. he's barely even doing like,, mild mind games, like they're quite actively friendly the entire year
(I do sometimes think you can do a bit of displacement here where you don't necessarily need to hate the person you're actively fighting to get the job done - cf marc at misano 2019, also... tbh casey 2011-12 kinda had that vibe where he was getting all that energy out of his system in valentino's direction and could then keep things civil with his actual title rival. there's a LITTLE bit of that 2015 even pre phillip island but mostly valentino does have a more early 2008 'we move in silence' vibe or whatever that pecco tweet read. this is the restlessness thing, right - he kinda needs to fill his brain with SOMETHING)
which brings us to the second element: needing some distance. zero problem with biaggi, which is kinda the training wheels feud in that it takes a bit of a life of its own before valentino REALLY was intending it to. he's a kid (literal eighteen year old) who's kinda snarky about biaggi in the press and biaggi takes it EXTREMELY poorly and confronts him about it and it kind of spirals from there. with casey + jorge, valentino ensures that they never GET too close. I do think there is an element of... y'know, not wanting to be close friends with the guys who are your title rivals, because it's harder to beat people you care about and deprive them of the thing they want most in the world. which I actually think is pretty normal!! valentino's problem is that on a few occasions he has ended up in rivalries with blokes he was at some stage close in - and either he preemptively withdraws as with marc and... ? probably...? melandri...? - or the relationship deteriorates and then blows up as with sete and also marc. the 'preemptive withdrawing' bit does suggest a degree of self-awareness with regards to his own competitive process - and as has been previously argued in this parish, valentino's relationship with marc developing as it did was in large part due to his competitive situation 2010-14. the two of them falling out was probably always going to happen if they were competing, the two of them falling out that badly required valentino's stint in the competitive wilderness to let him lower his guard to such an extent
so that's the argument in broad strokes. yes, valentino can use enemies to motivate himself - he certainly enjoys having rivals, he enjoys fucking with them, he enjoys figuring them out and measuring himself against them and also a little bit of competitive edge. that doesn't mean he needs enemies per se, or certainly he wouldn't have seen some of his rivals in quite such extreme terms (casey in particular of course felt differently). he did need SOMETHING to motivate him... rivals, definitely - enemies, perhaps. and he also needed a bit of distance from those he was competing against. which post-sete he tended to preemptively enforce, except that one time when he didn't, and when it wasn't preemptively enforced it did have a tendency to blow up rather spectacularly. so in essence, you still end up at the same conclusion, right - valentino did get a lot out of having enemies, did motivate himself with them, did need to beat someone. but the working process is a bit different as I see it. sometimes making enemies is about emotional regulation, y'know. feuding as a healthy outlet for competitive tension. as it should be
#'why does nobody do drama anymore' says local social media user who exorcised a rider they're not a fan of for a mildly bitchy comment#don't like to vague post but i remember posting that thing about valentino saying everyone's too nice these days#and seeing some interpreting it as a dig at pecco. but like i'm pretty sure valentino has a baseline level of sympathy -#- for the amount of stupid discourse pecco faces! that's quite literally *in the stuff he's saying in that interview quote*#//#brr brr#//clt#batsplat responds#idk i do think there's SOMETHING about the idea that athletes are too busy to hate each other but...? surely not entirely#ive refrained from saying this before but like. full disclosure. just this once.#i think part of my problem is that EYE motivate myself in competition in quite a. negative way#so for obvious reasons i also find the casey/valentino approach way more instinctively relatable than love and friendship corner#*tennis player voice* idt hating people takes any effort at all#like this isn't distracting. it's easy#the real trick is hating them while also chatting to them in a friendly way at every opportunity to make it harder for them to hate YOU#and that's where we'll leave that!!#but idk maybe it's because where i come from u see people's faces when ur competing against them#like you are deliberately making somebody whose face you can see miserable!! you need to do SOMETHING emotionally about that#everybody needs to learn to manage this. if you're up 4-0 it's so fucking easy to feel pity and so fucking dangerous#some tennis players can go into robot mode or something but i can't!! i will feel something for my opponent so it cannot be empathy#idk if this is 100% projection but my sense is with vale he kinda inevitably engages with the people around him for better or for worse#and if you're like that you do kinda have to make sure you really really really want to beat your opponent. otherwise you have A Problem#i think a lot of discussion of the psychology of these guys could do with returning to how they are actually there to like. win shit#u don't always have to pathologise that like it is Part Of The Game#'five feuds is the sign of an empath' no i'm not saying that. but i do think he's an emotional rider and not everyone's quite like that!!
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coming out as someone who cant fucking stand x reader
#ive blocked and filtered every variation of the x reader tag in every fandom and characyer tag i like browsing through#and it STILL SLIPS THROUGH THE CRACKS WHY CAN NONE OF THESE MFS 1. USE A READ MORE TAG 2. CHARACTERISE THESE CHARACTERS PROPERLY MY GOD#literally the most dense concentration of He Would Not Fucking Say That i have ever seen in my life#longest posts of the most inane useless copy paste dull smut and fluff ever theres exactly three different archetypes and every character#gets devolved down into them. just for the most boring y/n ever to fuck. like if this is how people absorb media no wonder media literacy is#in the fucking trash. not every character needs to be shipped with someone let alone some washed out facsimile of YOU#sorry for ranting i just went into the top posts of a character i wanted to see meta or art of and its just a solid wall of x reader like#CAN YOU SHUT UP. FOR FIVE MINUTES. OR AT LEAST MAKE A UNIFORM TAG SO I CAN BLOCK IT ALL AT ONCE?#my tolerance for this has continued to wane i used to just feel vague exasperation now i want to beat someone against a wall#okay im done sorry for this random bit of rage posting#am i still cute#seph.txt
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#boyfriend update#!!#i know its been ages since the last one#first things first bc it goes hand in hand#i pretty much completed elden ring incl dlc (on his pc!!)#the literal ONLY boss im missing is consort radahn#i beat literally every other boss in this game#did the ranni ending which i loooved btw#but i also havent really been playing the past couple weeks bc stardew 1.6 came out for switch and my bf was pretty sick#i got him addicted to stardew hes at like 220hrs and nearing perfection and hes been playing since early November only hahaha#he bought an entire reading lamp for his apartment! so i could have good light to read on his couch 🥺🥺#hes picking me up from work today to drive me to pick up furniture thats ready for pick up#we got tge photos of us from tge wedding we attended in august and yall we look cuteeee#he organised me a (used) ps5 (which i paid obvs) from one of his friends but then he was just like im gomna buy you the pretty controller#that you've wanted just bc i can!!#personal#in my head im already planning the gift im getting him for our one year anniversary next year hehe#context for ps5 is that theres plans for us to build me my own gaming pc but that's obviously expensive and i just moved and am still in the#process of buying all the furniture and have other expenses so its hard to dave up but it was always the plan to get anotger gaming console#besides my switch once i moved to play all the games ive been missing out as a Nintendo girlie#so the used one is honestly such a great deal and i got some games with it as well and bought some#and then i can always decide if i wanna keep or sell it again once i do get tge gaming pc#anywayyyyyy#this relationship is the best thing to ever happen to me ngl
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Imalways so torn up between letting myself feel negative emotions besides anger cause I never do and being like wellllllll... it IS nearly 9 so really none of these are Real emotions so what's the point?
#gamer txt.#i think im hiding from myself again#what with my endless optimism and hope#i dont think i really beat my depression i think i mighta just covered it up really well by accident#and that the winter is not fucking helping me out here#even if i do actually have my shit sorted out which i dont but if i did then i feel like i shouldn't#im way too put together for someone with my problems at this fucking age#this is the age where i can actually like. suck ass and not being Super judged for it this is the age for making mistakes for being fucking#stupid and im wasting trying to pretend ive got everything on lock#i feel like im rushing everything#yous know i only like realised ive been masking my whole life like. this year#like Thats how hard i hide from myself! i didny even fucking realise!#but like whay the hell can i do about it now i dont ever have the opportunity to be myself#its not like i have a moment before every action where i can decide what to do its already happened and i didny have the chance to think#is 1 step forward 2 steps back meant to be like motivational in any way cause i think that might be what i go for#honestly i need to let myself make mistakes and do stupid shit and remind myself im not infallible#and the worst part about all this is that im trying so hard to not go none of these are real feelings its 9pm and winter#and knowing theres a decent chance thats actually the case#i dont want it to be the case#i dont want to the perfect quiet endless sympathy for others no attention no care required kid anymore#i want to be fucking messy because i feel like a fucking mess and everyone knows im a fucking mess and they just pretend im not#and even if all these feelings are just for right now and arent really ''real'' i know damn well ill still be upset about it in the morning#if no one reads this#because i need the attention im so fucking desperate for the attention i need someone fucking anyone to see the real me#becauese no one does! not even me most of the time!#iiii might do something stupid tonight? if i do just know please that it wasnt rash or impulsive and that ive been wanting to do it for ages#i just need to be a stupid kid for once in my fucking life
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unironically bossgat lives in my brain rent free
#mar.txt#saints row#johnny gat#it started with the romance option in sr4 and how compared to every single other one it sounds a LOT like a full on love confession#escalated to me opening ao3 for the first time in forever to look for johnny x boss fics#found an absolutely WONDERFUL series of 3 (thus far) johnny x male boss pre-relationship pining fics (trophy husband malewife johnny in +#denial about pining? yes please)#now i'm seriously considering making a proper saints row oc because of this,as opposed to the saints row au i have for thor#(in which he is literally 100% the same as normal except he fucks off to a diff universe for Vacation Time and ends up +#manipulating/charming his way up the ranks of the idols to become some sort of unofficial 'leader' figure,because the idols are right up +#his alley and while he absolutely does not NEED A Cult if he saw the opportunity to have one WELL...........)#the oc is going to be a mirror to my friend's sr oc😌 parallel versions of each other essentially#can you tell the hyperfixation brainrot is insane i never seriously make ocs for games unless i REALLY like them#ive beat. the reboot and 4 back to back without booting up mh again ONCE. and ill probably beat every single other one i can get my hands +#on before i boot up mh again,unless mh6 gets announced in that timeframe (unlikely,given it seems it'll be sometime next year,which is fine)
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Yaoi has poisoned all of your fucking brains !!
#Yakuza HATEblog#i dont want to hear about the new yakuza trailer where kiryu proposed to soemone he wouldnnever do that thats so scary#also they refered to sayama as the cop lady like please show some respect to her she didnt be annoying for you to forget her#ive become homophobic now because i hated seeing a particular post so much like that will never happen you are crazy#like no this isnt how kzmj can win they have never even once considered a future together because kiryus foreplanning ended when he lost#his brother and majima has spent half her life waiting for saejima to come back like they have more important things to worry about#and kiryu is not able to share his kids with anybody he cant simultaneously raise haruka with someone he has to either be a single dad or an#absent dad no in between and sometimes haruka is left parentless in the middle of that mess but its not kiryus problem hes driving cars amd#beating people up .... well he does care sorry for insinuating he doesnt ... he thinks about his kids every day#but i guarantee you he does not think about majima every day i swear it to you he does not care about her that much !!! i have to forever#stress this doesnt mean that he hates majima but it simply means that shes not his priority AND SHE WILL NEVER BE !!! kiryu will never#risk it all just for a suckle on that majiwilly like he doesnt like her that much ... if kiryu didnt even give majima so much as a phonecall#when he was ignoring her the entirety of y3 AFTER tossing her back to the wolves just so he can play house at okinawa.. hes not going to#suddenly realise that he wants to spend the rest of his life with majima hes going to be pondering how miserable he is while beating the#fuck out of people because sorry i didnt actually pay attention to the gaiden stuff is kiryu a hitman now or some sort of mercenary either#way its so hot that hes paralleled by y0 majima because hes so depressed and wants to kill himself and forced to wear a nice suit and do#things he doesnt want to while being kept on a tight leash like hohooho ... have sex with me ...!!!#im going to kill him myself to put him out of his misery if i have to ... just let kiryu run off to america and join the cia im kidding but#wait i just thought of him actually running off and sayama pulling some strings in the force to keep people from looking for him because#shes like a bigshot cop now ... i think she should be able to cradle him gently and keep him like a show cat#a shivering wet penis in the rain and she takes him in and gives him a loving home ... i feel a little embarrassed talking about hetships#but the concept of kiryu just being in her house and living with her is making me laugh like wow ... hes straight now.... like obviously hes#still not going to be like lets get married 🥰 but sayama would want to... i believe that she could forge their documents so kiryu isnt an#illegal immigrant anymore and she gives him an american name so john yakuza can become real ... its like a fake dating au but they really#arent dating theyre just having sex and acting out scenes from a kdrama but eventually kiryu will have to go back because hes so sad#without his kids and he needs to see them one last time to pass away peacefully. sorry i just remembered how much older kiryu was than#sayama like thats a bit funny ... like i still think kiryu should be into older guys or girls but like we cant always have that happen#like how majimas options for getting fucked by creepy old guys are getting lesser year by year because those old geezers keep dying and hes#old now too ... like theyre so old thats fucked. i know ive been saying how kzmj can never win but i do think majima should breastfeed kiryu
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hey guys did you know that in totk, if you go to dorian’s house in full yiga clan gear i will personally go to your house and beat up your favourite stuffed animal?
#i don’t think he’ll ever forgive me#i-i wasn’t thinking#I’m sorryyy 😭#totk spoilers#totk#loz#sulley speaks#also ive done practically nothing plot wise in this game#all im doing is getting armour and shrines#i got the fairies last night though#so once i upgrade my sets ill start actually beating the temples#ive got them set up#i just haven’t actually done them#im just continually disappointed by this games lack of effort into getting you to care about hyrules past#idk maybe my standards are too high from playing fallout#also wtf happened to all the sheikah tech??#you didn’t have to replace EVERYTHING with zonai tech
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yuri (ime)'s allergy to butches is kind of funny to me. the two genders of sapphic are long hair and bob
#it also pains me greatly but i do think there's yuri out there with more masc characters i just. havent found it yet orz#NOTE: MY YURI EXPERIENCE IS PRETTY LIMITED SO YKNOW. GRAIN OF SALT#im discovering i think i have a 'gay guy alienated by bl' thing about gl unfortunately#like it's not bad i just think im going into it with too much investment in it as Representation and/or Wish Fulfillment#as primed by how we (broadly) discuss rep and how ppl are typically supposed to enjoy romance media#in ways i haven't quite managed to overcome yet#it's also a lot of other factors too that are probably too complex for tags but include like..#preferring media where romantic/sexual tension remains unresolved which yk doesn't tend to happen in yuri bc it's defined by its resolution#to some extent. preferring media where ppl beat each other up intricate rituals style and media shying away from that with women.#finding female characters to often be filtered through acceptable types of weird/attractive with results i tend to find unappealing#(theyre not allowed to be weird so much as adorkable)#and in general just not bumping into the What Is Wrong With You Guys (/captivated) thing i prefer to see in characters and dynamics#AGAIN i think the answer is not to stop consuming gl (or sapphic media broadly bc many of these problems hold true#for my feelings about western sapphic media) but instead to adjust my methods to better find what i like#because i DO go fucking nuts for sapphic shit pretty often it's just like. most of the stuff i see recommended in cute little lists#is not that. so i must get into the thick of it bc i find a lot of it to be sort of.. emotionally tepid#i need higher stakes and weirder girls!! i think the answer might also be to read more manga bc manga's cheaper to make and thus less risky#so weirder stuff is probably gonna get okayed for manga than for anime. i guess#oh also i mean. some of it is also internalized misogyny. i can't tell to what extent obv but i know thats gotta be a part of it yk#in finding male characters more compelling or whatever. like how much of my trouble with female characters is from their Genuinely Being#Written Worse/Less Human/Less Goofy and how much of it is merely me not seeing their goofiness bc of bias is impossible for me to tell#but i know that both are in play to some extent at all times. yeah 👍#anyway ive found that stuff with psychological and intense subtextual elements reeeeally cook me properly#(need to finish d.ear brother i need to i need to)#ultimately i think i might just need to consume more women-centric media to find noncanon pairs but my luck with that has been kinda bad tbh#im just not getting that itch scratched. so every once in a while i need to complain about it and sigh real deep and then get back to it#but i am sick of media (broadly) only having like. gender conforming femmes. no hate to them irl but that is Not what all dykes look like!!#it's untapped potential and it hurts my feelings and it's unrealistic!!! yeah#if manga exists of buff women bloodying each other up homoerotically i would pay one billion dollars to read it. that is all.#like if there's a yuri equivalent of bara PLEASE. POINT ME THATAWAY. I BEG YOU
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baldies gate is very difficult
#its so confusing LMAO at least for me who knows next to nothing abt dnd#i dont understand how spells work and im getting stressed bc idk if quests rlly disappear if i dont complete them fast enough#but also i read that once you beat the main story its joever so maybe i should explore more but i feel like my character is wasting time#and is gonna die the next second if i dont progress the main story ⚰️ the green lady is doing a great job hammering that into my brain#anyway i cant take screenshots of my character bc my tv has fucked up colors and i made the character and guardian based on them#so when i look at a screenshot on the ps app and the colors are different im like '........ that is not my beautiful boy!!!!!'#like it rlly bothers me. anyway i chose a bard of course. very basic and again idk how to play so its all a mess hdjdjdjd#im hoping i figure it out soon bc it is such a cool game. just wish i understood anything </3#i love my character tho im very invested in his story. maybe i shouldve made my first character the 'goody two shoes' type#to make it easier LMAO#but as ive said before i rlly need to get myself out of my comfort zone when it comes to games#i didnt wanna just breeze past the game but actually consider my decisions. turns out its exhausting lmaooo#anyway sorry im rambling i like the game but im just dumb and stress out over things that dont matter way too easily
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hi update things are fucking terrible and my eyes hurt from sobbing. lol
#purrs#delete later#not to liveblog and be tmi or whatever but i feel terribly alone and terribly miserable so this is in fact a cry for help lol. or really#comfort bc im fucking going insane. so for context last spring when i was still an intern another intern orchestrated this back channel#where everyone was supposed to talk shit about our supervisors (my dearest most belovedest mentors) and all of us hid it for months and it#all came to a head at asb 2022 because there was a lot of drama witb the asb student facilitators and our staff team. and it was sooooo ugl#and messy and horrible and probably played a direct role in one of my dearest beloved est mentors (who was the point person for asb) fuckin#getting a new job and abandoning us in july lol 😃😃😃😃😃😃😃 and so i became a full time staff member and me and my remaining dearest belovedest#colleague besties fucking carried the world on oh r shoulders and put on amazing programs as just 3 of us in the core staff and we thought#we were doing a really good job with the asb 2023 leaders and that there were no drama dynamics or whatever and guess fucking what. tonight#we found out that half of them hate us for reasons we still don’t know and all of them are at each others throats and also some of the#participants feel a type of way about us. and i know i am being a fragile sensitive crybaby over it but i have had terrible cramps all day#and have barely slept since ive been here and feel like ive been bending over backwards to support the leaders only to find out that half o#them think we’re evil and i just… i couldn’t take it. so i cried and now im beating myself up for crying. but it’s like come ON. i know we#did a pretty imperfect job of preparing them for this. and i should just take responsibility for that and not be defensive. but it’s like…#have NEVER seen this program in person before or been part of the planning of it. i was just a student last year like all of you. and also#HOW many fucking times did we create space for you to talk to us and invite us in. and still this shit happened. and i just feel like a#failure. and i couldn’t react to that information in any way except cry liek it’s all so over my head and out of my depth and im not as#emotionally mature as my colleagues bc im the youngest and this is my first time dealing with this and i feel so incompetent and like i#failed. failed the first time by not speaking up when i was implicated in the stupid fucking Google form back channel situation last year#and now failed the second time by not being able to prevent this stupid drama bullshit from happening again and for not catching it. and jf#like… im in excruciating physical pain and haven’t slept and haven’t eaten well and my life is falling apart and we were ABANDONED BY THE#PERSON WHO WAS RESPONDIBLE FOR THIS (i know we weren’t abandoned she literally just got a new job i just have psychological issues) and#we’ve been running at a million miles per hour with absolutely no break and now you’re mad at us and not even telling us and it’s impacting#everyone’s experiences but you want to pretend this is fucking high school and keep secrets. i am TIRED of drama. i am TIRED of this stupid#bullshit. and not to say this bc i don’t know if asb 2022 drama factored into her decision to leave but if it did i get why * left now. i#get it. bc this shit makes me want to jump out the hotel window. i do not want to face any of them tomorrow and deal with more bullshit. i#am emotionally unstable and incompetent and not equipped to deal with this in a mature healthy way. i want this to be over NOW. im done.#ok i think that’s it um. sorry about that i just needed other people to know i am suffering and i will suppress the shame i feel about that#just this once. esp bc i denied myself the opportunity for my colleague besties to comfort me while i was crying and i regret it now lol
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Congrats on graduating!! That’s awesome!!
And take your time with the bracket, it’ll be worth the wait. Is there any duo/group that you were surprised was submitted?
thank you so much !! <3 ive been tryin my hardest to get here so im really glad its all paying off even though it feels so. surreal djskdjsk :]
there are definitely a few yeah!! the most notable is probably my chemical romance (real life) just because i was so entirely not expecting it it was like a brick through a window almost. whoever submitted them if youre seeing this please know you take up so much space in my brain im obsessed with you.
other than that, to name a few: he-man + she-ra (masters of the universe) [i didnt know there was a heman fandom. is there like a reboot? is masters of the universe the reboot? there was another he-man submission too with someone named teela so probably] simba + nala (the lion king) [the more i think about it the more correct it is] audrey + seymour + orin (little shop of horrors) [for the inclusion of orin] and finally for this incomplete list. jesse pinkman + mike ermantraut (breaking bad) [is there an actual breaking bad fanbase. and also who is mike. this one made me giggle for like a solid minute when i got it]
#asks#i know you guys Will wait but it feels like ive been dragging this out for like a month already thats such a long time u_u#im not gonna beat myself up if i dont make my self imposed deadline but i would like to have it done by then. ill take a few more days to#rest once its posted before starting the polls :]
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